Author: liligans

Why I hate my ugly identical twin sister

liligans So you think you're cultured?

The truth is out. I have an ugly identical twin sister who makes an unwelcome appearance in my life. Take yesterday, for example, when the time had come for me to renew my driver’s licence now that I live in Melbourne.

I took extra care yesterday to style my hair and make up my face using “mineral powder”. I even put hairspray on my wonderful glistening locks so that the style would last until I had “the photo” taken. After all, this photo would be on my licence for the next ten years.

After filling out all the forms, I braced myself for the photo shoot. But just as I was about to be captured on film for the next decade my very ugly, very depressing twin sister turned up and pushed me out of the way and demanded to be photographed instead of me.

I don’t even know how it happens but whenever I have to have an important photo taken, say on a passport or at a gala function, she pushes in and poses instead of me. It’s not as if I don’t try hard. I practise smiling just a little, because grinning would make me look like the village idiot. I open my eyes wide so that I look refreshed and innocent.

It’s not easy when the photographer is a young girl who doesn’t even bother to look up from her contraption to tell you she’s about to shoot.

So I wait apprehensively, my smile fading away as I begin to wonder what’s going on and that’s when my ugly twin sister bursts onto the scene, pushes me out of the way and takes over.

She’s done it again. And now I’m stuck with this terrible, terrible photo for the next ten years.

She makes me look like that infamous picture of Nick Nolte on his arrest. It’s a wonder my driver’s licence doesn’t have a profile pix as well with a Wanted caption below it.

So who’s going to believe that it’s not the real me? Why can’t they have some professional photographer on duty who will make sure that your ugly twin doesn’t spoil the picture?

Foetal alcohol syndrome among Australian Aborigines

liligans Politics, So you think you're cultured?, totally absurd

There is a major problem in the Aboriginal communities of Northern Australia. Babies are being born with foetal alcohol syndrome because 90% of women in those communities continue to drink throughout their pregnancies. So what is the Australian Hotels Association asked to do? Stop selling alcohol to pregnant Aborigines. This has to be one of the silliest ideas ever. Continue reading →

Hamas prisoners want their MTV

liligans So you think you're cultured?, What Pisses me off

Imagine a Hamas prisoner in Israel. He has access to family visits, TV and newspapers and medical treatment for any ailments from the best doctors in the world. Compare this with the way that Hamas treats its prisoners, if any are left alive, that is.

Remember the Christian hostages who were captured by Arafat and his bunch of terrorists and who were kept in dark cells and threatened with death every day? Remember the dead bodies of two Israeli soldiers who were kidnapped by Hezbollah and who were returned in exchange for some of the worst convicted terrorists who ever sullied an Israeli jail?

What a contrast! But it’s not surprising when one is dealing with an uncivilised group like the Arab fanatics who have captured an Israeli soldier and who want to use him as a trade off for getting thousands of Hamas terrorists freed.

According to the ABC news website the government of Israel has finally lost all patience with Hamas and has decided to take away the privileges enjoyed by those prisoners because negotiations for the return of one single Israeli soldier have broken down.

So what are the Hamas prisoners threatening if they can’t get their MTV? A hunger strike, that’s what. I’m all for that. Bring it on!

Call me a sceptic, but I believe that Gideon Shalit, the Israeli soldier who was captured by Hamas three years ago, is dead. There is nothing left but his bones but even then the Israelis want him back to give him a proper burial.

Quite frankly, I would return the Hamas prisoners in the same condition as the two dead soldiers were returned.

Melbourne’s obsession with sport

liligans So you think you're cultured?, totally absurd

For four days now we have been subjected to the most intolerable noise pollution. On the first day, my husband thought it was an alarm that had gone crazy. On the second day and third days I thought there was an excavator at work in our area. By the fourth day I realised that we were victims of the Formula One car racing event.

The noise can be heard over most of Melbourne and it sounds like a howling wind. As if that’s not bad enough yesterday we thought we were being attacked by suicide bombers as in New York in 9/11. They were the supersonic jets that were part of the fanfare.

Now I’m not an environmentalist but think of the EMISSIONS or black balloons or carbon footprints (lol) of those cars and those jets. Ironic, don’t you think, that we should also be switching off our lights for an hour on Earth Day at the same time that those cars and jets have been fouling up the atmosphere for the past four days.

One of the spectators, some young kid of six was interviewed by a TV crew on the way to the car races. When he was asked what he looked forward to the most, the budding hoon said that he looked forward to seeing the cars crash. Ain’t sport uplifting! Oh yes, and doesn’t it make pots of money too.

Therese Rein swashbuckles into Harlem

liligans So you think you're cultured?

I think that I’ve figured out Therese Rein’s approach to fashion. Since she can’t be admired for her appearance the Prime Minster’s wife has decided to make herself a laughing stock. It’s the old adage that there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

So when The First Lady flounced into Harlem yesterday she decided to go as a pirate of the Caribbean. I almost wet myself with laughter when she appeared in her black and white costume with the biggest cuffs in the world. And when she extended her hand, there it was, a cuff the size of her waist.

It’s no longer a question of fashion sense and needing a stylist. She’s perfect as a clown.

Nick D’Arcy gets a slap on the wrist for assault

liligans Films, So you think you're cultured?, totally absurd, What Pisses me off

Once again Australian courts have let us down. Nick D’Arcy, who viciously aussalted a fellow swimmer and damaged his face for life has been let off jail. Why? Because he’s a sportsman and in Australia all is forgiven if you are a sportsman. So D’Arcy, who’s no example to young people, is going to be turned into some kind of hero if he wins a race. I suspect it wouldn’t matter if he murdered someone as long as he can swim for Australia. Continue reading →

Earth Hour——Sixty Minutes of Hypocrisy

liligans So you think you're cultured?

Tomorrow some people in Australia will switch off their lights to save the environment. Several countries around the world will follow suit and do the one hour stint as well. It will make them feel happy because they are being so good. So what does being good actually mean? Will it save one life? Will it find a cure for our many ills? Will it rescue children being enslaved in Africa?. Will it win the war on poverty? Will it offer one single meal for the starving? Will it achieve anything at all? Continue reading →

Therese Rein discovers knee-high boots

liligans So you think you're cultured?, Society

We haven’t seen much of our First Lady, Therese Rein a.k.a Mrs Rudd lately and that has obviously been a concerted decision on the part of the media.

She has been away in England most of the time busily expanding her multi-million dollar business which grew and grew with the support of the government outsourcing scheme. She didn’t even make it back to Australia when the terrible bushfires were devastating the country. So much for compassion, Therese…

But she’s in the public eye once again because a free trip to meet the American president and Mrs Obama was not an occasion to miss. So there she was, boarding the plane to the U.S. This time she decided to wear a black sheath. OK so far, but unfortunately she couldn’t resist the tight belt which is a No!No!

On top of that Therese wore a white parachute and her footwear was a pair of black knee-high boots. This accentuated her ample knees and did nothing for the rather summery outfit she was wearing. Her parachute coat had the usual huge lapels our Therese loves.

As for that hair. For Kevin’s sake get a style! It looks cheap and disheveled.

I have often commented on the First Lady’s taste in clothes because she is representing Australia when she bounces on the world stage. Her fashion tastes are extremely shonky and lacking in style. We know that she can afford the best advice but she probably wouldn’t take it. Must be that she’s a person who says “like it or lump it” and so we and the media have decided to lump it.

A bit like her hubby actually, who’s not known for taking advice. In a way, they match one another. He always looks as if he outgrew his suits and mummy won’t fork out for a new one until he has stopped growing. His ties are schoolboyish and crooked and he always looks as if he shops at the local outlet.

How embarrassing that even the media avoid photographing Mrs Rudd as much as they can. When she’s around she’s hard to miss and we feel that cultural cringe that took years to dispel.

Here we go again with Muslim students’ demands

liligans So you think you're cultured?, totally absurd

When we came to Australia we were happy to be allowed to live in peace in a democratic country. We did not demand to be given special consideration and we were happy to fit in. If some things seemed different to us then we adapted to them. That’s what you do when you come to live in another country. You don’t expect that country to change things to please you. If you would like something to change then you go about it in a civilised manner. You put forward your reasons and perhaps accept a compromise. But you don’t threaten and you don’t demonstrate and hold protest marches. So whom am writing about? No surprises for guessing that it’s the Muslim students again. Continue reading →

Josef Fritzl does not shock me

liligans So you think you're cultured?

When the news broke about Josef Fritzl’s mistreatment of his daughter I was initially shocked. What sort of a man could do this to his daughter, I wondered. How come he wasn’t found out sooner? Did his wife know? My questions were unspectacular in their banality. I knew that I could never understand a man like Fritzl, nor did I particularly want to. All I had to understand is that bad things happen in this world. Having accepted this fact, I’m no longer shocked by what happens in it. Disappointed? Of course, I am, but so what else is new? Continue reading →