The truth is out. I have an ugly identical twin sister who makes an unwelcome appearance in my life. Take yesterday, for example, when the time had come for me to renew my driver’s licence now that I live in Melbourne.

I took extra care yesterday to style my hair and make up my face using “mineral powder”. I even put hairspray on my wonderful glistening locks so that the style would last until I had “the photo” taken. After all, this photo would be on my licence for the next ten years.

After filling out all the forms, I braced myself for the photo shoot. But just as I was about to be captured on film for the next decade my very ugly, very depressing twin sister turned up and pushed me out of the way and demanded to be photographed instead of me.

I don’t even know how it happens but whenever I have to have an important photo taken, say on a passport or at a gala function, she pushes in and poses instead of me. It’s not as if I don’t try hard. I practise smiling just a little, because grinning would make me look like the village idiot. I open my eyes wide so that I look refreshed and innocent.

It’s not easy when the photographer is a young girl who doesn’t even bother to look up from her contraption to tell you she’s about to shoot.

So I wait apprehensively, my smile fading away as I begin to wonder what’s going on and that’s when my ugly twin sister bursts onto the scene, pushes me out of the way and takes over.

She’s done it again. And now I’m stuck with this terrible, terrible photo for the next ten years.

She makes me look like that infamous picture of Nick Nolte on his arrest. It’s a wonder my driver’s licence doesn’t have a profile pix as well with a Wanted caption below it.

So who’s going to believe that it’s not the real me? Why can’t they have some professional photographer on duty who will make sure that your ugly twin doesn’t spoil the picture?