What is it with me and purchases? I always have to keep the docket because I’ll have to go back to the store to exchange the ruddy thing. Whether it’s an electrical appliance or an item of clothing, my shopping will always involve at least two trips.

Last time I had a moan about this problem it involved a toaster whose thermostat had died and a thermal spencer which grew and grew until it became a thermal dress.

The replacement toaster seemed okay for a while and then yesterday it decided that it would have only one setting which was ‘Burn the bread to a crisp”. So now we have packed the toaster once again (we now keep the packaging) and will have to make our pilgrimage to the mall next week.

I could philosophise about the disposable society and all that stuff, but I don’t feel like doing that because I’m convinced that my purchases are jinxed. Even my Miele vacuum cleaner of two weeks had to have some electrical adjustment because “some of the cleaners have been found to have a minor electrical problem,” which led to its conking out, I was told by an apologetic salesman. Not that I’m paranoid, but I reckon that if I bought a Rolls Royce car (as if) it would stall in the middle of traffic.

I had a Rolex watch, not the phony one that I fell for on a whim a few years ago, but a genuine Rolex Datejust which slowed down every month to the point that I complained to the Rolex agent. He said that it is normal for Rolexes to slow down and that one minute a month was usual. Have you ever tried to reset a Rolex? It’s hard work!

The least the Rolex company can do is make a watch that keeps the correct time. Makes one wonder how accurate the timing was at the Beijing Olympics lol. What’s one minute between friendly competitors?

I got rid of the Rolex and bought a watch that tells the time.

My plea is as follows. It’s great that now we have a 12 months replacement warranty on small appliances, but I wish that it wouldn’t be so necessary. I would like to buy an appliance that will do what it’s supposed to do for a legitimate period of time. I find it annoying that I should have to file all my receipts for the inevitable trek back to the store. We are filling up the world with useless appliances when we should be discarding much less.

I know that electrical appliances are much cheaper now than they used to be, but the waste bothers me extremely. If expensive products like the Miele vacuum cleaner and the Rolex watch can let you down then that argument of “it costs too much to have quality control” doesn’t gel, does it?

I have enjoyed David Lodge’s writing ever since I watched a U.K mini-series based on his novel, “Nice Work”. After watching this entertaining duel between a working class bloke played by Warren Clarke of “Dalziel and Pascoe” fame and a snooty university type, I couldn’t wait to read the original novel.
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