John Oliver’s Genitals

I have tried to watch John Oliver’s programme, “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver” but today his pathetic descent into vulgarity turned me off completely.  How can a man be so obsessed with his penis? Is his appendage so ineffectual that he has to constantly remind himself that he has one?

Oliver has no class. He is crass and has the comedic sophistication of a toddler who pulls his pants down at kindergarten and announces to the world with a giggle  “Look at my wee wee….”

Oliver talks fast, bobs his head up and down like a clucking chicken and is a physical turn-off.

This is not to say that his topics are bad, however.  They are timely and his comments on events in America are quite interesting.  Unfortunately, the laughter sounds canned and every time he refers to someone’s testicles the audience guffaws into orgasmic hysteria.

All in all, he leaves a bad taste in my mouth and despite his popularity in some circles, the “populus vulgaris” is welcome to him.

 

Attention visitors to Melbourne! If you value honesty do not come here.

This is the fourth time that we have had our parked car damaged here in “Marvellous Melbourne” in eight years.  Had this happened in Queensland there would have been a note left on the car with an apology and the necessary information about the person who had damaged it.  I know this for sure, because that’s what happened in the Sunshine State.

It’s the decent way that Queenslanders behave.

Sadly,  Melbourne is not the place to be if you expect people to be considerate and honest when they damage your parked car.

In Melbourne there is a dog eat dog mentality.  Drivers are ruthless.  Mothers with their prams will rush blindly and scrape your car while they talk on their phones instead of looking where they are going. They will not use a pedestrian crossing  even if it’s a few metres away.

I must confess that a teeny weeny bit of me wishes they would trip as they chat to their BFF on the phone instead of paying attention to the traffic. But then I come to my senses and tell myself that that would turn me into a nasty Melbournian so I wait  in the car while the Mother of the Year crosses the road illegally.

You would expect that they would like to set a good example for their young children about crossing safely. But no, they don’t think about their kids being hurt. After all, it’s all about yummy mummy, isn’t it?

We have many ice addicts here, many home invasions,  many carjackings and many bashings in the street.

Come one come all. Melbourne, you’re standing in it!

 

 

 

 

The next Father of the Year will be a woman. Happy now?

When I see women and some men marching in the name of feminism and  screeching hysterically about how awful men are,  I wonder if these women are cutting off their noses to spite their faces.

I despair that a new terminology has entered our language- toxic masculinity.

So men are dangerous, poisonous, horrible creatures and it is up to women to reform them,  castigate them,  and demonstrate against them.

Basically,  what women want is to turn the men into women or  “menettes”.  Apparently, we need men but only on our terms.  They must be more like us.

Is it any wonder that men are subconsciously feeling so set-upon that they are growing beards and getting tattoos?  I interpret this desire to grow facial hair as evidence that men need to assert their masculine traits.  They are confused about how they should approach women. They don’t want to offend women  and heaven help them if they are politically incorrect by opening a door for a woman or paying her a compliment.

Before somebody accuses me of treachery and misogyny regarding my own gender, I categorically declare that I am for equal rights and equal opportunities for both sexes.

I am concerned,  however,  that so much animosity towards men, is counter-productive.

Not all men are monsters who rape and pillage,  so don’t treat them as if they are.

 

Does anyone understand the Medownick TV commercial?

We have been inundated lately with a most idiotic commercial for laser eye surgery by the Medownick group.  To be more exact, it’s what I guess it’s supposed to be.  There’s something mentioned about a place to lose your glasses, but I’m not quite sure why.

A couple of kids who resemble one another are seen throwing a pair of spectacles around.  Are they brother and sister?  One of them shouts that he can’t see but he’s quite happy about that. The other one, his sister perhaps,  suggests that he should trample the spectacles. She’s finding all this very amusing as does her stupid brother.

In another scene some idiot has gone swimming in the surf with his glasses and lost them. This is also good news, apparently, but then we are told that we should lose our glasses at Medownick.

I have written in the past that some commercials may become popular because they are so annoying and yet their message gets through.  This one, however, makes one feel that if Medownick approve such idiotic ads, then how good is their judgement?

Will one go to their practice and be operated on and then leave crying  “I can’t see anything!   I can’t see anything……?

An open invitation to President Rodrigo Duterte of the Philippines

Sometimes you just have to have the guts to stand up against crime.  For this reason I would love to extend an invitation to President Duterte to come to Melbourne, Australia and help clean up the mess caused by African and other criminals who terrorise people in their homes, their cars and their places of business.

I have just come home after seeing the result of yet another jewellery store robbery in Melbourne.  It is the same store that was robbed three months ago by a gang of Africans. This time there was a group of four brandishing a hammer and a GUN while another one of them waited outside.

In Australia,  we are advised to be politically correct so as not to upset the criminals.  So from now on I have decided to refer to them as being of  “Martian Appearance.” Apologies to the planet.

I resent that these criminal acts are being described as “brazen”. What is brazen about attacking a shop with weapons and injuring an unarmed employee?

Cowardly?

Yes.

Violent?

Definitely.

So please Mr President,  we need help.

Stella Prize? Why do women need a special literary prize for women only??

So Charlotte Wood has won the Stella Prize,   an Australian prize of $50,000  which is exclusive to women.  Her book, “The Natural Way of Things”,  deals with misogyny etc. and domestic violence which are trendy topics.

I have to admit that a prize like that smacks of condescension and sexism and I wish that special offerings would not be made to women on account of their gender.  A truly egalitarian society would not discriminate between male and female writers. But there you are.

It is sad that this is the way of things.

It reminds me of the complaint made by female tennis players who want the same prize money as men even though they only have to play up to three sets of tennis instead of five.

Is that fair? Is that equal?

Imagine if there were a special prize for male authors only.

We women will have come a long way when we no longer depend on special concessions for being female.   Until that day comes not much has been achieved.

 

 

 

Disgusting Smiths Crisps TV advertisement

If you want to judge a society you should observe what TV ads appeal to it. It will tell you a lot about the moral fibre of viewers.  Of course,  it may only tell you about the values of the marketing companies, but you have to concede that along the line,  after the ad men created the ad,  the manufacturers must have  approved  the commercial.  So both manufacturers and marketing had to agree on the ethics of the campaign.

In this case, I feel entitled to blame the manufacturers of Smiths Crisps who are originally an Australian company founded by a Mr Smith, but which is now owned by Pepsi.

The advertisement which has distressed me is the one which shows an elderly woman opening the door to a repairman who has come to fix her stairlift.  He enters and  places his open tool box on the floor.   She notices that he has a packet of Smiths Crisps in it.  This old lady wants some and when the repairman closes the tool box she steals a part of the stairlift.

When he sits down on the stairlift and turns it on to test it,  it shoots upstairs and ejects him out of the window.   She then chuckles to herself and steals the packet of Smiths Crisps.

The final scene of the commercial portrays the old crone cheerfully  munching on the crisps.

Is that funny or is that funny?

Wow!  What a distressing depiction of old age!  The worst aspect of this commercial is that it condones violence and theft.

Shame on Smiths,  shame on Pepsi,  shame on the marketers and shame on the TV channels who didn’t have the moral fibre to reject this tasteless ad.