Dear Aldi, please don’t call us “Dear Customer”.

I realise that in the German language as well as in other European languages it is acceptable to refer to someone as “My dear…whatever”.

In Australia, however,  this sounds patronising and sarcastic.

Our Australian culture is much more casual than the German one and even irreverent at times. We don’t bow and scrape and act obsequiously even when we are courteous.  So being called “”Dear Customer” is strange to our ears, especially when the announcement is “Dear Customer we are closing Checkout 2. We  are opening Checkout 3”   and you feel like clicking your heels together  and saluting  “Jawohl”.

Dear Aldi, you can always simply announce that you are closing a checkout by saying  “We are now closing Checkout 2 and opening Checkout 3. Thank you.”

Doctor Doctor. Is that the best that Aussie TV can achieve?

Take an old script from a twenty year old American TV series  called “Northern Exposure” about a doctor who is sent to a weird place which he hates and you have the premise for “Doctor, Doctor” which is “coincidentally ” about a doctor who is banished from the city and has to work as a GP in an Aussie country town.

Not any country town, mind.  It so happens that the town is the place from which he escaped…on account of everybody in the town being weird.

Lucky that…

Since that means that every character in the town can overact. And boy does that go on! The doctor’s mother is crazy hyper.  The doctor’s father is catatonic. Alas poor Steve Bisley, I knew him well when he had speaking roles. The doctor’s former girlfriend looks like she’s in drag and she too is hyperactive.

The doctor’s boss, Penny,  is forever presenting him with a bottle he must fill with urine. His and nobody else’s  (haha)  which becomes “the running joke”.

For crying out loud, the entire cast could do with a dose of ritalin

I could go on  (and I definitely will) for the following reasons.

As a former TV critic for The  Courier Mail newspaper in Queensland I have seen and judged and promoted many TV shows.  Some were good while some were bad.   The current crop of TV shows,  however, is so abysmal  that I cannot stay quiet and accept the drivel that Australia is now producing.  “Rosehaven?”,  “The Wrong Girl?”

Good grief!  They are puerile, badly written and hyperbolically acted.  And please can some generous person hand the wrong girl a packet of tissues?

I’d much rather watch “Hard Quiz” which is entertaining and informative thanks  to the remarkable talent of Tom Gleeson.

 

 

Anti-Trump protests by spoilt brats.

“You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things!”  in the words of Shakespeare.

So you did not get the result that you wanted.  Boo hoo. Well, that’s the way democracy works.  The people vote and if you believe in democracy,  you accept the result of the vote, even if you don’t like it.

What makes the spoilt brats think that democracy is okay only when they get their own way?

Democracy for the select few. Is that it?

Let’s have a bit of California Spring, shall we?  Let’s also incite the folks on the East Coast who thought that Hillary should win.  For crying out loud is it my way or the highway for these spoilt brats?

Isn’t this what’s wrong with dictatorships?

My advice to the protestors against democracy is “Grow up”.  The election was peaceful. You were all encouraged to vote. Don’t denigrate your own democracy by behaving like a bunch of fools who don’t appreciate the freedoms they enjoy.

Take a good look at yourselves and hang your heads in shame. The rest of the world would like to have the freedoms you take for granted.

 

 

 

 

More ridiculous offers from internet con artists

I’m just adding to the list of junky con artists who are out to hurt us via the internet.  In my previous blog I listed a few of them who emailed me.

Here they are under their phoney names.  There are a few more of them as well which my readers should keep in mind.

“Oliver Miller”

“Vanessa” who started off by informing me I had won a $500 voucher from Woolworths .  Since  then that offer has been increased to $1000 from “Emma”.

I have a Coles offer from Portugal and “Anna” is  demanding immediate action  or I’ll miss out on the millions  “she” is giving me.

Good old “Sam” and “Samuel B” are still at it. So is  “Sara”.  Then there is  “Jen” who is thanking me for my nonexistent purchase.

And of course there are the free spins from PlayMillion,  a gambling group who want to snare me into gambling or whatever their real organisation is offering.

Another suspect is Royale 500, a gambling junk mail.

No doubt the list will go on.

Perhaps I’ll hear from God himself

 

All about junk and my new “pals”

For the past couple of months I have won a popularity contest, or so it seems.  New friends, business colleagues,  offers of jobs and money, money, money are being thrust at me.

Because I’m special,  or so it seems.

My new email pal, “Oliver Miller”,  is offering hundreds of free spins if I click on his gambling website. Another generous soul,  “Sam”, informs me that there is a fortune waiting for me and all I have to do, apparently,  is tell him which bank to lodge it with.

“Vanessa”  has a $500 voucher for me from Woolworths and a $200 voucher from Bunnings.  Of course, Woolworths and Bunnings  have never heard of these offers.  I had phoned these two companies as well as Coles  to let them know about these  “prizes.”

What a shock to learn that “Vanessa” was not telling me the truth and here I was thinking that I’m a winner!

These generous email pals had even arranged a mortgage on a new home.  And I haven’t even asked for one!

I’ve even got a new job guarantee waiting for me and “Sam” is becoming impatient with me and wondering why I haven’t taken up this offer which  “is running out unless I agree immediately”.

“Cory”  and “Emily”, “Samuel B” and “Zoe Kent” as well as “Charlotte Jones”  are all out there in this wonderful internet world eager to bring joy and happiness to my life.

All I have to do is believe them and let them make my day.

 

 

Woolworths Australia has acted on my complaint at last.

A few weeks ago I phoned the Woolworths Head Office to suggest that it should do something about a problem with the barbecued chickens it was selling.

I had noticed that the string that was being used to secure the legs of the chickens was exactly the same colour as the roasted chickens themselves.  The string had to be removed before eating and if it weren’t removed prior to serving it could present a danger to anyone swallowing and choking on it accidentally.

For that reason I suggested that the string should not be brown but should be green or blue so that it could be easily identified and removed.

Well,  today I am pleased to report that the string is navy blue.  It is easy to see and cut off.

One small step for mankind……….

 

Johnny Depp ‘s arrogance is king-size

We in Australia believe that everyone, even celebrities,  should obey the law.  That goes for the “ordinary” human being as well as the visiting megastars such as Johnny Depp.

Depp may not care if animals brought into the country carry diseases which may infect our animal population, but we do. We are determined to protect our livestock and that is why there is a quarantine rule which prevents overseas visitors, no matter who they are, to declare that they have animals with them and agree to place them in quarantine.

Apparently,  Mr Depp who suffers from a swelled head has decided that the law should not apply to him.  Surely, it’s only for mere mortals, says Mr Depp.  “My little doggies are as special as I am.”

Ironically, it turns out to be the case, for sure

So when he was caught with a couple of  illegal puppies in his entourage he flew off in a huff and began to criticise the Deputy Prime Minister of Australia for threatening to take the canines away from him.

Depp has frequently made childish and petulant remarks  about Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce and the end result of these snide comments is that we are sick and tired of Depp.

The latest insult made by Depp is to describe Joyce as an inbred tomato, whatever that is. Perhaps Depp is familiar with inbreeding in vegetables.  His delusions of grandeur may encompass agriculture as well as everything else.

His lack of respect for our laws,  however,  has not won him any fans Downunder.