Counting Sheep

There’s hardly a day that goes by when we aren’t bombarded with another medical report concerning the dangers of not getting enough sleep.

We’ve been told that unless we get enough sleep we will become obese because the hormone that suppresses appetite is produced only during sleep.

Lack of sleep leads to premature aging, loss of libido, inability to concentrate, high blood pressure, depression (or is it that depression leads to insomnia?) etc etc and now we hear from Bob Stickgold from the Harvard Medical School that people who have slept have a better recall of facts than those who haven’t. In other words, an all night study marathon will not be of any benefit for a student. He would do better(25% better)to have a good sleep before an exam.

Isn’t it amazing how attitudes have changed! I remember when we were being warned not to spend too long sleeping because it would lead to obesity. Now the opposite is being spouted and I have to wonder who is correct. How much sleep is enough sleep? We are even being advised to catch a nap during the day.

At this rate we’ll only be getting out of bed to change the bedlinen and grab a bite to eat. Continue reading


Warning to all Iraqi insurgents

Be afraid! Be very afraid, cause Prince Harry of England is coming to get you. Cornet Wales, as he is called, is primed and eager to rout the enemy.

He intends to be treated just like any other soldier.

There will, of course, be a group of SAS guards in the royal vicinity, but apart from the guards and the special food and the royal barber and the royal batman, Harry will be treated no differently.

His campaign will avoid the city areas of Iraq for “logistic” reasons and his tour of duty will be mainly in the sandhills somewhere “safer”.

You’ve seen Harry in Nazi uniform, now you can see him in British uniform and it’s quite possible that you’ll see him in flowing white robes just like Lawrence of Arabia.

Watch this space for photos of Harry dressed like a terrorist with a keffiyeh, once he’s been captured and is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.

Is it possible that the Queen of England is proud to be sending her grandson to Iraq because she secretly hopes that the insurgents will capture him and dispose of him? He would then be revered as a hero instead of as the black sheep with a questionable parentage. It’s been done before. Send the prodigal into battle and hope he disappears.

There’s something about Harry, all right. Where Harry goes can trouble be far behind?

A Convenient Cult

On the long road from Brisbane to Sydney, you’ll find young Sarah Bishop. She’s busy running the 1000 kilometres for a good cause, as she told the reporter from the TV station on the 19th of this month.
Her purpose is to bring attention to the problem of global warming. And she is even rotating four pairs of sneakers to achieve this.

Is Sarah’s gesture really necessary? Continue reading

Out with it

Finally I summoned all my courage and caved in to my suspicions. The question had to be asked and I could not stand the speculation one minute longer.

So I fronted up to my husband, looked at him fixedly, so as to judge from his body language, and propelled the question that had been bugging me for the past week.

“Are you the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby?”

He didn’t reply immediately and I wondered whether his hesitation had any significance. Was he trying to formulate a response that would pacify me or was he going to ‘fess up, as they say?

Finally, after what seemed a suspiciously long time, he said “No”.

“Dammit” I muttered. There go the palace, the yachts, the jumbo. I’m married to the only man in the world who hasn’t bedded the late and apparently, extremely affectionate, Ms Smith.

The Re-Generation

The Rolling Stones have done it. The Police have done it as have Cream. Apparently, Genesis is getting in on the act too.

There’s no stopping The Re-Generation, my name for those old rockers who make a comeback. We loved them when we were young and we love them now cause they make us feel young.

But do they really?

I have to confess that I cringe a little when I see the Stones, craggy and worn with arthritic hands that have strummed one too many a guitar. They all look so old and instead of making me feel young, I wonder if I look as bad as they do.

My first reaction is “Oh my god!” why do they want to appear in public and shatter the illusion. They don’t sing as well. They don’t move as well, but audiences still throng to see them cause we’re all in the same boat, hoping that time has been our friend.

Sadly, it hasn’t, even for those who have had that bit of help from a surgeon.

It’s not that they need the money. So it must be for the adulation that they once enjoyed and which they miss.

Can’t blame them for feeling that way, but I must admit that, from a purely selfish perspective, it’s better that Elvis and Marilyn and Jimmy Dean died early. I wouldn’t want to see them trying to resuscitate a flagging career. Nor do I want a reminder of the cruelty of Father Time.

The thought of an aging idol doing the rounds of cabarets is very sad and there’s something rather melancholy about performers who should know better.

I remember when Cary Grant decided that he no longer wanted to do romantic roles with much younger actresses. That man had panache.

It’s possible that I’m being too harsh but when I see the Stones prancing around on stage, I wonder how many fans are kidding themselves that nothing has changed.

But if you can fool yourself for a while, I suppose there’s no real harm in that.

Bugga the Bugaboo

W.C Fields and I had one thing in common as far as I know. We both don’t like being around children. Small children, big children and teenagers really get on my nerves.

As I head towards ‘respectable’ maturity, the one statistic that has impressed me is that our population is aging. By the Year 20 whatever, people over the age of sixty are going to double in numbers.
Continue reading

Serious research

A while back a study at some elite university came up with research that found that women over the age of eighty were having less sex. This research actually tried to find out why that is so. All they really had to do was to visit any old age establishment and observe the ratio of elderly men to women.

Heaven for the man in his harem but not so for the ladies!

This is the sort of study that wastes precious resources but still the academics have to do something to get published, I guess.

Another of my favourite research results was that people who reached the age of eighty were more likely to reach ninety. I mulled over that one for a while and then was forced to agree that people who carked it before they reached eighty had very little chance of turning ninety.