John Oliver’s Genitals

I have tried to watch John Oliver’s programme, “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver” but today his pathetic descent into vulgarity turned me off completely.  How can a man be so obsessed with his penis? Is his appendage so ineffectual that he has to constantly remind himself that he has one?

Oliver has no class. He is crass and has the comedic sophistication of a toddler who pulls his pants down at kindergarten and announces to the world with a giggle  “Look at my wee wee….”

Oliver talks fast, bobs his head up and down like a clucking chicken and is a physical turn-off.

This is not to say that his topics are bad, however.  They are timely and his comments on events in America are quite interesting.  Unfortunately, the laughter sounds canned and every time he refers to someone’s testicles the audience guffaws into orgasmic hysteria.

All in all, he leaves a bad taste in my mouth and despite his popularity in some circles, the “populus vulgaris” is welcome to him.

 

GP Studio at Chadstone Mall can’t be serious.

Today we walked past the GP Studio hairdressing salon at the Chadstone Mall when my husband said  “Have a look at the sign in the window.”  It was advertising the prices for certain categories of clients and charges for services.

Ladies

Females over 65

Men

Males over 65

We drew this notice to the attention of the lady hairdresser inside who agreed it was puzzling and she would talk to her boss about it.

I wonder when one becomes too old to be a lady and yes, I’ve heard the joke  “That’s no lady…….”

I confess that I was probably never much of a lady and have to agree with Frank Sinatra that I do get too hungry to have dinner at eight.

Anti-Trump protests by spoilt brats.

“You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things!”  in the words of Shakespeare.

So you did not get the result that you wanted.  Boo hoo. Well, that’s the way democracy works.  The people vote and if you believe in democracy,  you accept the result of the vote, even if you don’t like it.

What makes the spoilt brats think that democracy is okay only when they get their own way?

Democracy for the select few. Is that it?

Let’s have a bit of California Spring, shall we?  Let’s also incite the folks on the East Coast who thought that Hillary should win.  For crying out loud is it my way or the highway for these spoilt brats?

Isn’t this what’s wrong with dictatorships?

My advice to the protestors against democracy is “Grow up”.  The election was peaceful. You were all encouraged to vote. Don’t denigrate your own democracy by behaving like a bunch of fools who don’t appreciate the freedoms they enjoy.

Take a good look at yourselves and hang your heads in shame. The rest of the world would like to have the freedoms you take for granted.

 

 

 

 

Woolworths Australia has acted on my complaint at last.

A few weeks ago I phoned the Woolworths Head Office to suggest that it should do something about a problem with the barbecued chickens it was selling.

I had noticed that the string that was being used to secure the legs of the chickens was exactly the same colour as the roasted chickens themselves.  The string had to be removed before eating and if it weren’t removed prior to serving it could present a danger to anyone swallowing and choking on it accidentally.

For that reason I suggested that the string should not be brown but should be green or blue so that it could be easily identified and removed.

Well,  today I am pleased to report that the string is navy blue.  It is easy to see and cut off.

One small step for mankind……….

 

Warning for visitors to Melbourne

Among the many dangers in the city of Melbourne, such as being attacked and robbed by young men of “African appearance” there is now a new danger for people travelling by tram.

A person on a tram can now be robbed of a mobile phone simply by having it  grabbed from an unsuspecting user.  The violent thief then jumps from the tram at the next stop and disappears at the station with the stolen phone, leaving the victim traumatised.

This has already happened a few times on Melbourne trams. Apparently, the thieves have been tall African men who are causing much angst in our city.  There have also been three Bulgarians who have been charged for stealing from tram travellers.  And so I am compelled to warn visitors to Melbourne to be very vigilant and hold on to their phones.

It saddens me to declare this warning but Melbourne has become an extremely dangerous place for good people. There are home invasions with serious violence against the inhabitants. Cars are stolen and hijacked.

Women certainly have to think twice before venturing out on their own at night.

So much for  “the most livable city in the world”.

p.s    According to the Salvation Army and the Lord Mayor of Melbourne an added problem is the huge number of beggars in the city who become violent when someone refuses to donate to them.  This is quite frightening and must be off-putting to anyone visiting certain streets downtown.

New name for Target and Kmart combined

Since Target is not flourishing, the management of Wesfarmers, owners of both brands,  are considering combining Kmart and Target stores

There have been some suggestions that the new name for this union should be Karget.  Not a good idea.  It has no resonance, no cachet, no appeal.

A better name and one that is optimistic and inclusive of the successful reputation of Kmart,  is

Kmart Plus

In my opinion, this covers all bases. It is forward-looking and includes Target as the Plus factor. In other words,  improvement.  Improvement is always good. Two for the price of one is also good and the shoppers who were loyal to Target will not have been forgotten. They are the Plus Factor in Kmart Plus.

Say Hello and Goodbye to the Panamacebus transitus

Just when you thought that life could not get more idiotic a Florida paleontologist called Jonathan Bloch has discovered seven fossilised teeth from a monkey 21 million years ago (give or take a day).

According to Dr Bloch “it’s  a mind bending discovery” because until now it had long been accepted that such monkeys (or their teeth, to be exact) did not exist so long ago.

So how did they get to Panama?  Did the monkeys swim across from South America to North America? After all, it was a 160 kilometres journey across the sea. Apparently this is the crux of the entire study.

Fascinating stuff is it not?

It’s not the question on my mind, however, that’s for sure.

My question is  “who gives a damn?”  Why is precious research time and money  being wasted on a monkey who may or may not have existed and who may or may not have left some teeth behind when he fossilised himself?