I did a double take when I read an article which suggested that Nicole Kidman may star as Marilyn Monroe in the remake of “How to Marry a Millionaire.”

Who in the world would look at Nicole and think of Marilyn? Marilyn was voluptuous, an icon of the Fifties at a time when women were admired for being soft and curvy. Think of Jayne Mansfield, Diana Dors, Marilyn Maxwell and Brigitte Bardot who would all be described by Sam in “Silent Witness” as being “well-nourished.”

Nicole Kidman had to wear a ridiculous proboscis in her unconvincing portrayal of Virgina Woolf in “The Hours.” As Monroe she would have to get some breasts, hips and bottom and she would have to stand in one of those holes to look shorter. Kidman is tall and thin as a reed. She is a very “modern beauty”, less of a sex symbol than a clothes horse, with that lean and hungry look of Cassius which Shakespeare was not very partial to. Marilyn oozed sexuality. Let’s face it, if someone wants to give Nicole a good time, they would have to take her to an all you can eat buffet.

Unless the film makes use of special effects and don’t we need more of those in today’s movies, Nicole is not a perfect choice for the role of our most famous blonde bombshell. If the producers want to cast a more ample actress then perhaps the ever elastic Renee Zelweiger could be chosen, but then, what would they do about that screwed up face of hers?

As for the title for the remake, shouldn’t it be “How to Marry a Billionaire?” A millionaire is hardly worth the effort, nowadays.