Until three days ago I had never heard of Justin Bieber. In fact, when I first heard the name I wondered why the pubescent girls were wrapped in beaver. Yeah, I know. I’m so uncool. I don’t even use the word “awesome” every minute, but there you are. I had to google the name when I finally worked out what they were screaming about.

His YouTube video showed a very, very, young boy, younger-looking than his 16 years. There’s no question that he’s pretty- a sort of paedophile’s delight, really, without an atom of masculinity in him. This fascinated me as he seemed so soft and cute with his hair combed forward in a girlish fringe.

I couldn’t fathom what would create all this hysteria in girls who should have reached puberty by now and would perhaps be more attracted to boys with a bit of testosterone in their bodies. Bieber looks just like the girls who are hyperventilating about him.

Anyhow, this morning at 3 am a few thousand of his fans screeched for hours while they waited for some concert that he was going to give. How little girls were allowed to make fools of themselves in public without parental supervision at that hour of the morning is hard to understand. This is further proof that children are controlling their parents, parents who simply cannot teach their daughters to behave.

So there they were, the flowers of Aussie womanhood, fainting all over the place as they waited for little Justin to make a promised appearance. But things were getting out of hand. Girls were collapsing from pent up excitement. Could the police handle a horde of silly females? They decided it was too dangerous for the Bieber to appear. If the fanettes were going bonkers just waiting for him, there would be an apocalypse if he actually sang his opus for the mass of hysterics.

Why, this could definitely be more dangerous than the Red Shirt protests in Thailand!

So the concert was cancelled and all hell broke loose.

I squirm when I see groups of silly girls letting down the side. I can state categorically that I have never ever swooned in public for any celebrity. It would be too demeaning to me. Nor have I done that in private either, for that matter.

Imagine being one of those silly girls who is caught on camera salivating for little Justin. In a few years time when they make a film about how Australia was in 2010 with an acerbic commentary by Barry Humphries, those girls will be able to see themselves as the embarrassing twits that even Bieber himself must be mocking in private as he rakes in the dollars.