I am about to have a serious heart to heart with my grandson. He is four years old and it’s about time he did his grandparents proud. Is it too much to ask that he do stuff that icons do? Stuff like sailing solo around the world, perhaps? Or painting masterpieces like that toddler in the U.S. Give her a brush and off she goes. With a little help from her doting parents, right there beside her.

What the world needs now is more precocious kids egged on by needy parents. These kids can take part in beauty pageants, fly in balloons, (oh that’s right, that was a con job) be the youngest mountain climber and of course become child movie stars. Mummy and daddy swear that the kid wants to do it. Apparently she luuuvs putting on make-up and struttin’ up and down the catwalk singing “Tonight’s the night…” It’s so cute!

So you can see why I’m so jealous of all these icons. These solo sailors who are described as heroes because they achieved…what? In what way does this benefit anyone? Except for a few photographers and the honourable media. Not to mention the politicians who lap up a photo opportunity with Jessica Watson or Abby Sunderland.

I was not impressed when good old Bullimore sailed solo and got lost. This was very expensive for our government and quite frankly, I would not have shed a tear had he drowned. But he was an adult and it was his decision.

When a young person does it, I seriously question the self-esteem of his or her parents. Where is parental responsibility in all this?

And I’m not convinced by the platitude. “He died doing what he loved most…” Are you referring to drowning and being eaten alive by sea monsters? What an icon!!! A veritable hero, unlike my grandson, but then I like to have him around because he’s simply adorable.