Several years ago the wife of one of an Aussie Tourism Minister, John Brown, proudly declared that she had had sex with her husband in his parliamentary office. On his desk to be exact…

It was very risque, she said, and they often indulged in these parliamentary privileges. They have since been divorced. Probably ran out of desk space.

The came Bill Clinton, venerable president of the U.S of A, who preferred his under the desk. It appears that he enjoyed being on the job in the hallowed Oval Office.

Now we have the latest alleged “scandal” about another politician and a desk. Mike Rann, the current Premier of South Australia has been at it at his desk as well.

I am puzzled by this predilection for office desks as stages for hanky panky. Can’t think of anything as uncomfortable as the old, hard plank. It’s painful (I imagine) and if it’s expensive furniture think of the damage to the patina.

While watching The Antiques Roadshow I am constantly informed that patina is crucial. The experts even advise owners of quality furniture pieces not to expose them to the elements. They shouldn’t even place glasses or vases on them for fear of water damage.

One shudders to think, therefore, what they would say to having sex on a desk. Oh the Horror of it all!!! Surely this calls for real protection on two accounts. The patina of the timber, for one, and we mustn’t forget the aching bones. Ouch!

Now I’m not saying to avoid sex on a desk, but surely this calls for using a foam underlay that goes on top of a mattress (or desk). The comfort cushioning could be discreetly rolled up in the cupboard and brought out on special occasions. Now that’s what I call genuine protected sex.