Tomorrow night is the premier award night for the Australian film industry. Not many people will be watching its broadcast on TV because not many people go to Aussie movies. Why is that?

Well, they are boring and depressing and self-flagellating. I stopped going to Aussie movies when they began to deal with indigenous themes and drug addicts. Whilst I have sympathy for the plight of aborigines, I believe that when it comes to going to the cinema, I want to pay for pleasurable entertainment.

I don’t need to be told how bad the original colonials were. I know it and I am convinced that there were many injustices in the past. However, nothing in life is perfect and there are many millions who have been victims and still are, but if I have a choice between being beaten up for sins I had nothing to do with or having a break from the misery of daily life, I will choose a film that will make me laugh.

Why are so many films about drug addicts? What is this obsession with druggies or sex slaves?

And how about “Wolf Creek” which did nothing for the tourism industry in the outback?

Crikey, why can’t we have a giggle? “Muriel’s Wedding” was entertaining. “The Castle” was fun. I never did get “Picnic at Hanging Rock” even though I taught my classes the novel.

I deplore movies in which nothing really happens because everyone is so busy accomplishing perfect cinematography.

The last Australian film I enjoyed was “Kenny.” Small budget, but big audiences!

I don’t go much to the movies any more. First of all, they are either full of special effects and violence or they are about misery. Someone did someone wrong and we all have to suffer through it.

Another explanation is that I have studied cinema at post-graduate level. I’ve even been a professional film and TV critic and so I have seen enough crap in my life.

If I bother to go to the cinema it’s because I want a break from all that is mundane in daily life. Let’s face it, if I want to be depressed I only have to listen to the news and that will make me despair.

So give us a break, you directors and producers who moan about the lack of support for the Aussie film industry.

If we don’t rush to Aussie screenings it’s because you are not offering us what we long for- the feeling that it was worth the expense because we enjoyed ourselves. And Baz, it’s not about the amount of money the film cost to make.

It’s about not embarrassing us with silly story lines, ridiculous archetypes and grandiose titles. Not even the lovely Hugh Jackman could get me to go see this latest extravaganza. The previews were enough to put me off.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there were several kitchen sinks in Baz’s film as well. He never does anything by halves and I hear that this time he really should have.