When Marlon Brando roared onto the silver screen on his motor bike in 1953 he became the eponymous sex symbol of the fifties. “The Wild One” sparked the craze for motor bike riding and the unbridled passion that bikers have represented since then.

When you compare the erotic leather jackets, the boots, tattoos, headscarves and beards of bikers with the rather effete yellow and lavender lycra pants of bicycle riders and their extremely sexless bunch of bananas headgear, well, the wild ones win hands down.

So it is with great disappointment that today, according to a study from Japan, we learn that 70% of motor bike riders are having erectile problems because of the vibrations of the engine on which they sit. Some of these sorry sex symbols even suffer from incontinence. Apparently, the motor bike seats are too pointy and this design failure inhibits the production of certain hormones that macho men require.

I guess we will all look at Hell’s Angels in a different way from now on as we shake our heads and mutter “Poor dear.”

Come to think of it, Brando’s voice was a little high. Almost as high as that of jockeys. Don’t they get bounced around as well? And how about those strapping council workers with their jackhammers? It must make their teeth chatter something terrible.