I swear this has got to be some sort of record! Last Friday we went to the shopping mall to return a slow cooker which had begun to turn slightly green at the bottom of the ceramic insert. This problem miraculously appeared when we came to Melbourne and so I phoned Kambrook to ask them for an explanation.

They thought that it might have to do with the copper connections or the glaze or whatever and would I return it to the place of purchase?

Well, that was music to my ears, because I was now reassured that everything was back to normal since my husband’s bout of peritonitis. We would buy something, do our own quality control tests and then return said or is that sad item to the place of purchase. Don’t you just love that expression? “Place of purchase” sounds so grand. I must admit I’m suitably impressed when I read that on the warranty pamphlet.

So, on Friday we went back to the store and returned the slow cooker. We then decided to spend a little more and buy the Breville Banquet Meal Maker. Yes, it was taking a risk but what the heck? My husband had to have the best chicken soup in the world and this item was the right stuff.

I cooked the meal and then adjusted the setting to “warm” according to the directions. It kept on boiling and gave me pause as to whether this should be the case. There seemed to be no “slow” in the slow cooker but the meal was superb and thoroughly cooked.

Today I decided to make enquiries about the settings so I phoned Breville and asked them whether Keep Warm meant keep boiling at full speed. The lovely man went away to consult with the mavens and came back to ask me whether I still had my docket and would I mind returning the appliance to the place of purchase.

To tell you the truth I do mind. The ruddy thing is heavy but what can I do but keep coming back just like the doomed Flying Dutchman?