While the rest of the world busies itself with philosophy, economics and climate change, I devote myself to trivia… or is it? Stuff like ring-pull tabs on cans from the former Soviet Union which only a wrestler on steroids can open. Teapots that leak all over the place have occupied my attention as well. And my search for a toaster that toasts is a persistent refrain.

So last week I decided to give in to the impulse and hunt for another toaster. This was attempt number four. The department store tried to sell me one of those fancy toasters that shout “Look at me, I cost a fortune!” and when I asked where the Italian one came from, I was told it was made in China as well. It will be a longa while before I succumb to that form of snobbery. Perhaps in a week or two. That’s when good old Lawson’s Traditional Bread is finally coming to Victoria and for that I need a reliable toaster.

By the way, I really feel entitled to receive a trifle from Goodman Fielder who own Lawson’s for the unsolicited promotion that I have been giving to their bread. To be honest, I really hope that it is as tasty as I remember or my search for a toaster will have been for nought as will my raving on about it.

On this latest occasion, last week, the toaster I bought was a 4 slice toaster which can accommodate the high top breads. So far it is working quite well, but that’s what I said about the last one which turned into an arsonist two weeks after being purchased.

Following that disappointment I had reverted to my original toaster which worked quite well but only accommodated small loaves. Could I be satisfied with that kind of result?

I hoped I could, but when a dear friend of mine asked me if I had finally found a good toaster, I realised that my search was not over. Somewhere out there was a toaster that worked well and I would not rest until I found it. I had achieved success with my search for a teapot that doesn’t leak by actually testing it in the lady’s bathroom in the store and now I was going to conquer new territory.

So that’s what I did with the toaster. The store was most accommodating by putting a slice of bread into the toaster I had chosen to see if it burned. It didn’t.

So far so good.

Anyone would think that my life was so boring (and there could be some truth in that) that I obsess about small electrical appliances, but even a serious philosopher wants his morning toast and jam to be edible. How can he think deeply if he has to miss out on one of life’s pleasures? A piece of burnt toast is probably what prevents many a scientist from discovering a cure for all those terrible diseases. If those scientists sat down to a proper breakfast of eggs and perfect toast instead of quaffing a mug of black coffee, many of the world’s diseases would have been eradicated by now.

Napoleon once said that an army marches on its stomach and he was quite right, of course, since we saw what happened to him when he ran out of brioches in Russia. That’s why I’m adamant that a good breakfast would solve many of the world’s problems. And that’s why I will persist with my search for a functional toaster. And yes, I am sadly aware that much of the world would be appreciative of burnt toast rather than nothing at all. But I’m no philosopher.