Sleaze has once again reared its ugly head even in this most prestigious British event. A comedian must be pretty desperate for a laugh if he has to resort to pointing at his crotch and raving on about dogs being attracted to its odour.

Russell Brand is one of those new age comedians who never quite recovered from fart jokes and displaying his bottom to other toddlers in kindergarten. He got a giggle then from his contemporaries in the sandpit and sees no reason to develop his routine.

He is not amusing and I’m certain that the Queen would have quoted her ancestor who was also not amused when she was confronted by this uncouth idiot. Brand made me squirm. I am not a prude. In fact I can enjoy a blue joke provided it is witty. But I don’t like gratuitous jokes about bodily functions, pubic hair, droning on about shagging or wanking and ubiquitous references to the comedian’s penis.

They are very dreary and make me feel yuk. I can’t understand why this sleazebag was ever invited to appear at the Royal Variety Performance. Is it to please the very ordinary public who might have tuned in by accident? Is it out of fear that the concert be described as elitist, perhaps? Well, if elitist would guarantee good taste then let the annual royal concert be elitist.

Must the basest taste be catered for in everything? We have enough rubbish on TV to fill every dump in the world and if people want to be entertained by talk about toilets and gastric upsets, then let them go to the nearest pub.

In case you think that I didn’t enjoy the concert. I want to mention several brilliant performances. I absolutely adored a rising star who is destined to outdo Michael Jackson’s talent. I’m referring to a young Londoner called David Jordan. At 21 he demonstrated fantastic rhythm and a wonderful maturity in his singing. He has looks, charisma and talent and I’m sure we’ll see more of him.

Another performer who helped to make up for Russell Brand’s dross was Raymond Crowe. Apparently he’s from Australia but I have never heard of him before. He did shadow puppets with his hands, a performance which received enthusiastic applause from the audience. His act was simple but moving and I loved his choice of music, Louis Armstrong singing “What a Wonderful World.”

The third and best performance, in my opinion, was that of pianist Lang Lang. Not surprisingly, he was a child prodigy in China and his playing left me breathless. Lang Lang will be performing at next year’s Olympic Games in Beijing and although I usually give the Olympics a wide berth, I’ll now be sure to watch the opening ceremony.

As for the other acts in the Royal Variety Performance, Bon Jovi were excellent, Joan Rivers repeated a routine I’ve seen too often and Dame Kiri Te Kanawa was her usual competent self.

On the whole, the concert was all right but not as good as it has been in other years. I would like to see more quality in future performances and hopefully less of Russell Brand’s crass attempts to get a laugh. One can only imagine what Prince Philip said when Brand did his worst.