How low can females go? She stoops to conk out…

There is a clothing store in the Chadstone Shopping Mall which displays a female T-shirt with a worrying message.

I have walked past it several times and wondered what sort of female would wear it.

This is what the T-shirt says.

“Did I have fun?”

My reply to this chick’s question is “If you can’t remember whether you had fun or not, then you can be certain somebody else definitely had fun.”

The flower of womanhood has certainly withered, has it not?

Australian Open- Tennis or just a Bake Off

Silly moi!

I was under the impression that tennis was about playing well, with skill and strategy against a human opponent. A tennis match was meant to be something exciting to behold rather than a gruesome gladiator type contest in which players fight against the elements and risk their lives to remain conscious.

To watch the tennis players struggle against the Melbourne heatwave has been painful and, in my opinion, horrifying.

I would not have been surprised if a player had died from dehydration and I have been told that several of them could not take the infernal conditions of Melbourne.

There were three days of torture before the organisers decided that perhaps a temperature of over 42 degrees Celsius, and so much higher on the court, was dangerous for playing tennis.

At last, yesterday, the roof was closed in the main court but that was very late and inconsiderate. There was ridiculous confusion among the players because nobody could tell them how long they would have to endure this inhumane Inferno.

What a disgrace!

How ironic that at the same time that the Australian Open organisers failed to do the right thing, there were constant health warnings in the media directed at the general population about remembering to stay cool and hydrated and to not do anything stupid!

It’s a shame that the Australian Open “powers-that-be” were deaf to sound advice.

and to all those intrepid souls who declare “if you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen,” my reply would be “why not install an air conditioner?”

Today the unbearable temperature was the same as yesterday but play on all courts continued. Go figure…

Explosion in Middle Park, Melbourne, Australia– a further example of why threats to self-harm should be ignored

It is a tragic beginning to 2014 for two police women and one police man. These poor souls have suffered extreme burns to their bodies when they answered a call to come to the aid of a man who was threatening to blow himself up.

Something had upset him, some romance gone wrong or whatever and so the place blew up when the police entered his apartment. One police constable has burns to 90% of her body. What horror!

The explosive guy has survived, unfortunately, while the innocent police folk are scarred for life. That’s if they live…

I can’t help thinking that there is something wrong with society that puts up with these people who want to cause so much grief to innocent hard-working citizens like the police who tried to help him.

I have to be frank here and state that if someone threatens to self-harm or go on a hunger strike we should call his bluff. As Nike says “Just do it.” It will save us a lot of trouble and will get rid of these publicity-seeking pests.

So a person refuses to leave his apartment, so what? Hours of negotiations would be avoided if they just told him “Go ahead, make my day!”

In my opinion, the only time that we should interfere in the displays of stupid egotism is in the case of an hostage situation in which innocents may be in danger. That’s when the authorities have to become involved.

Quite frankly, I would have organised for the other residents in the apartment block to be escorted out of the building and then, for all I care, he could blow himself up to smithereens.

It breaks my heart to see three innocent people have their lives ruined just because this idiot was having a tantrum. It’s simply not right.

Warren Weinstein suddenly remembers that he is an American?

There is a whole world out there in need of help but Warren Weinstein decided that Pakistan, sworn enemy of the U.S and Jews, haven for Osama Bin Laden, was the place of his choice to go.

Well, he went and stayed on for years after his contracting job with USAID was over, proudly catering to the Pakistani needs. And then one day, in 2011, he was captured by Al Qaeda who are not ardent admirers of the U.S or Jews.

So now this Jewish American man is begging President Obama to help him. Weinstein has suddenly discovered his roots, it seems.

Greenpeace activists will miss out on Christmas at home. Boo hoo!

I don’t know how I’m going to bear this latest bit of news about the Greenpeace activists stuck in Russia.

First of all, these souls were arrested when they attacked Russian oil rigs. Is that a crime?

Yep, it is, even if you are Greenpeace.

Then they were kept in prison or cells just like any other criminals. Which according to Russian law, they are.

Even one of our own, a Colin Russell of Tasmania was among them and he was outraged that an ordinary invader should be treated thus.

He demanded that Australia do more to release him. Go to war with Russia perhaps?


Hard to reconcile this demand with the Peace bit in the name “Greenpeace”, isn’t it?

Good news, apparently. The group of foreign activists have been released, but dear oh dear, they will not be allowed to go home for Christmas!

But wait a minute. All is not lost. Hasn’t Greenpeace just released a video telling the world that Christmas is kaput because Santa Claus is stuck up North in the Arctic and that children will have to miss out on his visit?

Is there any reason, therefore, why Santa can’t join the activists since they are all stuck up there together?

Always look on the bright side of life tadum… tadum tadum tadum.

The Thrill of Krill

Who would have thought that a teeny weeny crustacean would become a panacea (allegedly) for all ills in this world? You can’t go shopping without being confronted by Wild Krill, Red Krill, Super Krill, and Sooper Dooper Krill which is the King of Krills (allegedly).

So what does krill oil promise? I googled it and apparently it does it all. It raises the I.Q of children. It helps your circulation, gets rid of joint pain, improves memory. You name it, it does it.

Or does it really?

Well, not quite. The actual blurb about any supplement is that it “may” help if you are deficient in fish oil or omega 3 fatty acids or whatever. And krill oil capsules deliver more benefits that those other outdated supplements such as fish oil or the good old cod liver oil. Yummmmm….

In fact you would have to take 14 fish oil capsules every day for arthritis when one tiny krill capsule could do the trick (allegedly).

So this is pretty impressive isn’t it? When you think that in one year seven million fish oil products were sold in Australia.

Aren’t we a very lucky country to be able to afford all these capsules?

But when you think that a couple of fish meals a week would serve you better than swallowing all these capsules every day it does make you wonder about our attitude to everything. Don’t bother preparing a fish meal. Don’t even bother opening a tin of sardines.

Just pop a few pills which are expensive and probably useless.

And just when you think that swallowing krill for the rest of your life will cure it all, along comes Golden Calamari.

Yep, there’s a new kid on the block. Krill is out and calamari is the way to go. Why is that? you ask…or not (if you have any sense)

Well, it’s because Golden Calamari has even more omega 3 oil than fish oil and krill oil combined.

Gosh, does that mean that the mavens were wrong about krill oil being the best thing ever discovered?

You know something? I’m beginning to suspect that we have not plumbed the depths of this potential. In fact, I’m even beginning to suspect that this miraculous Golden Calamari is going to be superseded by some other form of marine life as soon as our bathroom cabinets are bursting with the stuff.

Is it possible that Golden Calamari oil is going to make us live forever so that our world will be overcrowded and smelling of fish?

And with all this brain food, will we realise perhaps that there’s something fishy about the supplements industry?

I don’t think so.

Sleeping with homeless people

There are two million homeless people in India. These people have nowhere to sleep, don’t know whether they will still be alive tomorrow and where their next meal is coming from should they survive the night on the streets.

Life is grim for them.

So a bunch of middle and upper class Indian do-gooders decided to do something for the homeless.

The idea they came up with was to spend a night in the open–al fresco, so to speak, to demonstrate their support for the poor unfortunates. It made them feel good to perform this generous gesture for their ‘fellow men’. After all, it was only for one night and they could always breakfast at some posh hotel the next morning.

Not for one moment could these rich people experience the stress and deprivation of being genuinely homeless. Not for one moment could they possible understand what it feels like to be insecure.

What hypocrisy!

The rich Indians had slept rough “shabby chic style” the way that Prince William of Buckingham Palace did a while back to show his support for the homeless in Britain.

When I say “rough” I mean minus the duvet, the fluffy pillows and the lavender-scented sheets. William was protected, of course, by the Secret Service and was never in mortal danger of being stabbed overnight as he slept. Nor was he concerned about where his kippers and coddled eggs would come from in the morning. We can assume that he felt pretty safe.

This was a gesture and as far as gestures go, the publicity shots were pretty successful.

I mean what more could the popular royal do, you ask?

Well, he could have invited a few of the homeless people to sleep on his turf in the palace. Offer them some shelter.

And that’s what those well-off Indians should have done. After all, they had homes, beds, food and safety.

They should have provided some decent sleeping quarters for the homeless, if they were genuinely concerned. That would have demonstrated that they really cared instead of taking part in a pointless stunt of tasteless and fruitless condescension.

Why Prime Minister Rudd hurried to Canberra

You would have to be an absolute twit to believe that Kevin Rudd has scurried back to Canberra because of the Syrian crisis. This is the excuse he gave today for diverting his election campaign. He tells us that he has to confer with other world leaders (ha!) about what’s happening in the Middle East.

Apparently without our glorious leader the rest of the world would not know how to handle the latest developments in Syria.

Not bloody likely, is what I say.

My take on this is that the polls are looking downcast for Rudd; so he has skedaddled to Canberra to reassess his modus operandi in the campaign. Why he is doing so badly is what he has to discuss with the rest of the Labor mavens. What can be done to salvage an election campaign that is floundering.

Okay, so I’m a cynic about it all. I don’t believe the Rudd excuse that he intends to solve the Syrian conflict and that the people of Australia are waiting on his report. After all, it’s been going on for TWO Years now. Surely he cannot be that arrogant as to imagine that he has a contribution to make when it comes to the Middle East.

Not even Prime Minister Rudd can have such delusions of grandeur. And that’s saying something.

The Saga continues and our credulity is stretched even further.

It turns out that amidst this Syrian security panic briefing the Prime Minister found time to film a two-hour episode of Kitchen Cabinet. It’s a cooking show with celebrities being interviewed. Apparently, according to Rudd, the other participants in the Syrian saga roundup were not available, so Rudd had to wait for them and during that period he starred in a TV show.

So we are supposed to believe that the Syrian briefing was an emergency but not enough of an emergency, apparently, to make certain that everyone of the people involved turned up at the appointed time. That’s why Rudd had plenty of time to film the cooking show.

Clear as mud or is that clear as Rudd?

Aldi tells it like it is. Sad but true.

It’s no secret that I’m an Aldi supporter. But even yours truly was slightly bemused when I picked up a packet of cleansing wipes for removing make-up and read the Germanically matter of fact description of the product.

It was for “Very Mature Skin”. Not slightly dry skin or even skin in need of nourishment to combat the seven or perhaps twenty signs of aging. This product is strictly for the geriatrics, according to the directive. It even has a diagram which shows that it is suitable for the over sixties age group. I kid you not. But then neither does Aldi… lol.

So you have to give the Germans credit for telling it like it is.

Let’s face it, if the Germans can describe that tantalising bit of feminine underwear as a holder of bosoms, ein Bustenhalter (with the two dots on the U) then I guess a cosmetic for “Very Mature Skin” is a fair description.

Not for them the sophistication and B.S of French cosmetic products which sell fantasy. Not for them the advertising slogan “Because You’re Worth It” whatever that means.

Apparently, Aldi’s message is “Because You’re Past It”. What chutzpah!

Stupid news about Australia from the ABC.

Sometimes I cringe at the absurdity of Australian news items.

While the East Coast of the U.S.A is bracing itself for one of the most terrifying natural disasters which will hit its shores in the next two hours, we in Australia have announced that our natural rock wombat numbers are going to increase by 20% today.

Apparently, 8 rock wombats (little furry animals) will be released into the wild today. This announcement was made this morning straight after the Hurricane Sandy news.

I have no idea what a rock wombat is and I have no objection to its release into the wild. Let it run free for all I care.

All I can do is shake my head in disbelief at this bit of trivia that could not wait.

We certainly live in a very lucky country, don’t we?