It was marvellous on Saturday. The football final was on and everyone in Melbourne was watching the match. Or so it seemed when we set out on our drive to Chadstone Shopping Mall. I had never seen the roads so empty. They reminded me of that film “The Mouse that Roared” in which the world’s smallest nation, the Grand Duchy of Fenwick, decides to invade the U.S.A. and be defeated in the hope of receiving compensation from the wealthiest nation in the world.

The Fenwickians are unfortunate in that they invade the U.S.A. on a day when all Americans are taking part in a nuclear war drill and so the streets are totally empty. There is nobody around to accept their surrender and so the invasion is a financial defeat.

Well, that’s exactly how Melbourne looked on Saturday. Melburnians were hunkered down in shelters in front of their plasmas and the Fenwickians could do their worst. Melbourne just didn’t give a damn.

What bliss! I drove calmly along deserted main roads. There were parking spots galore at the Chadstone complex. When we entered the Mall we could actually see where we were walking instead of being pushed and jostled by the Proletariat.

We strolled and rambled and took in the sights. Football time and the shoppin’ is easy…Fish are jumpin’ and the cotton is high… I couldn’t help it. I warbled cheerfully as we shopped.

I often think that the world would be a wonderful place if it weren’t for the people in it. Which reminds me of a conversation we had with some friends who love exotic travel. They told us we must go to Borneo to see the Orangutans. Apparently, one journeys into the jungle and then is placed in a cage. Before too long curious Orangutans come out of hiding to have a peek at the visitors. The irony of it all was lost on the narrators.

On reflection, however, considering the demeanour of human beings, I think that it’s as it should be. I can envisage cruise ships full of Orangutans coming to observe us in our natural habitats. The antics of football fans should guarantee a few chuckles among our primate cousins. Go the Pussycats!!!