While other people are snailing their way out of Melbourne this afternoon, I am going to enjoy the most comfortable accommodation.

It will have all the comforts of home. In fact, it will be home, since I have no intention of queuing along some crowded highway or at a busy airport.

I have no intention of sitting in a smelly aeroplane for hours on end feeling all my muscles screaming for release. I have no intention of arriving at another airport and waiting for a taxi or hiring some car to take me to a resort which will be crowded with holiday makers and their obnoxious children.

I will not go ooh! and aah! when I’m shown our accommodation which will consist of a bedroom and perhaps a lounge room and a bathroom with those tiny bottles of shampoo, body lotion and bath gel. And I definitely will not be impressed by the sign that says ‘We have cable TV” when what they really mean is “We have one thousand boring sports channels and a dirty movie channel”.

I will not appreciate the fact that I can’t have a cup of coffee or tea whenever I feel like it because the hotel offers room service at a ridiculous price. Anyhow, I prefer my coffee in a mug.

I most certainly won’t like the one large armchair in the room which is never as comfortable as our armchairs at home. The other smaller chair will usually be a tiny tubchair with rather suspicious stains on it. If these chairs could talk they would beg for a bath and the same goes for the bedspread. Yuk!!

Instead, we will eat out every day, go to the movies and take long walks, explore Melbourne at leisure, read books and newspapers and even enjoy easy access to the internet.

As for seeing another part of the world, been there, done that, and believe me the best part of travelling is when you unlock the front door and come home again. So now we leave out the tedious part and just enjoy being home and coming home at the end of the day’s outing. It really is bliss.